Are you happy Mr.Superman?

Emotional Faucet Syndrome

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 12:32:00 -0500

You appear to be suffering from Emotional Faucet Syndrome, or EFS.

Symptoms of EFS are:

Posting emotional messages on Twitter, Facebook, or “teh internets.”
Getting bitch-slapped by @ZicklePop
Listening to music on the radio that is called “punk.”

Cures for EFS are:

STFU
GTFO
Growing a pair.
Laughing at your own farts.

If symptoms continue please contact your local Kevorkian.

Jake's Rules of Digg (2009 Edition)

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:56:55 -0500

Turn off the Offbeat, Entertainment, World News, and Sports categories. If I wanted to see bullshit about that crap I’d go to a news site that is professionally written and doesn’t end every paragraph with “Ron Paul for Prez!”
Learn to bury stories. Stop posting shit like “Why is this on the front page?” and just shut your damn face and click bury.
Is another site talking about the same story on the front page and not the source you wanted? Then go fucking digg that one instead.
Don’t Digg sites that turn off the Diggbar on visit. I made a conscious decision to use the Diggbar, and you have to chose to use it now. If I click a link to say, Engadget, and those fuckers turn off my Diggbar, I won’t Digg it. Why? Because I had an easy way to click “digg” and they took it away from me. How the fuck does the Diggbar hurt them? Well by turning it off it lowers the publicity I give your site that’s for fucking sure. Eh, why am I digging Engadget anyway? All they do is repost shit they see on the internet with a sexual reference.
You can submit every new comic of XKCD, but I, and hopefully others won’t digg it until it is genuinely funny in a way that differentiates it from the previous days comic.

Jake's Rules of Flickr (2009 Edition)

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 10:56:03 -0500

Use photo notes sparingly. I mean, yeah, it can be funny if a whole group of people post notes on a photo but it takes away from the viewing experience. Especially if the notes have nothing to do with the photo. “LOL!”
Tag consistently and relevantly. One of the things even I have trouble with is tagging photos constantly. Do I tag this photo “iPhone” or “iPhone3gs”? Do I go back and change them? Another issue is do I tag the minor detail of the photo? I’d say not because I hate searching Flickr for a photo of a boat and I get a picture of something totally different.
Don’t upload every fucking photo. I don’t need to see your entire photo roll from your photo shoot. Pick the *one* good one and keep the rest in your stupid iPhoto album.
This isn’t fucking MySpace. This is a photography site, if I wanted to see your generic photo of you in the bathroom I’d follow you into the bathroom more often.
Bitch, don’t you dare think you can invite me to post photos to your Flickr Pool Group thingy.

Jake's Rules of Twitter (2009 Edition)

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:24:39 -0500

Don’t post vague shit. It doesn’t do anyone any good.
Don’t let Facebook, Dailybooth, Blip.fm, or ANYTHING automatically post shit to Twitter.
Be entertaining. I don’t give a fuck what you’re doing right now.
Don’t post five tweets in a row to get past the 140 character limit.
Don’t follow people because they are your “friend.” Follow people who are entertaining.
Don’t follow trends, because if I see another #justsayin I’m shoving that hash up your ash.
Twitter isn’t a place for you to blogspam us to fucking death.
Bitch, don’t you DARE think of posting the same tweet as a Facebook or MySpace status.
Don’t retweet. If I wanted to see whatever you retweeted I’d follow that person. Be original, not an asshole.

Jake's Rules of Facebook (1st Edition)

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:21:45 -0500

Don’t use Facebook apps. I don’t give a flying fuck about your stupid virtual farm or what Harry Potter character you think you are. Here’s an idea: go plant a fucking garden with your wasted free time and stop trying to be like Alice from Twilight. You obviously have bad work ethics and low self esteem to go as low as letting some fucking four choice question determine that you aren’t yourself but a stupid character. I am NOT John Gault.
Don’t bitch at me because your mom saw you tagged in a photo or video I uploaded of you doing something embarrassing. How about you take responsibility for your own actions. If you feel guilty about being yourself in front of your mom, then you are the one who fucked up, not me. You should also learn to use the privacy settings on Facebook to block people, like your stupid church, from seeing potentially offensive things.
Don’t bitch. I don’t want to see you whine about a bad day on your status updates. I don’t want to see you be racist or prejudice against others. This is Facebook, not Klanbook. Hate the queers? Hate the President? Shut your fucking face and treat the people reading with respect. If you wouldn’t say it to me, don’t say it to me and those “hundreds” of people you call friends. Also: Funny how people post racist shit, then don’t want their church seeing that video where they making the intercourse motion with their hands. Those people have real issues..
Upload a photo one. Stop uploading the same photo multiple places. Stop posting 100 shots of the same subject from the same photo shoot. Hur-fucking-ray, you learned how to use the multi-shot feature. Now learn to edit yourself and pick the ONE good one and upload it.
Stop fanning shit. Why the hell did you feel the need to be a fan of “breathing”? That’s not what fan pages are for. Fan pages are for celebrities, who didn’t want to add your lame patootie to their actual Facebook profile, to keep up with their fans. What kind of updates does “breathing” post? Hopefully messages to tell the people who fan that shit to go commit suicide.

How To Score $100

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:12:59 -0500

mom: hey what are you doing
me: Sitting in Starbucks
me: Talked to Dad, he said to go get the 100$ from him before you leave.
mom: sure
me: I'm serious
mom: ok i will ask him
me: Fine, he'll just give you a long lecture on why you should trust your son.
mom: and i will be so sorry for not listening to you

The Classy Social Network

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 16:50:55 -0500

Facebook and MySpace are giant, Twitter is the only thing I’ve seen that could possibly, and I believe will, out-grow them. Now since they already have a giant user database, in order to make it superior, we want to think about the users. Do they want to sign up for yet another social networking site? No. Facebook and MySpace both provide API’s and login structures to allow third party applications and developers access the users account info. So let’s take something like Facebook Connect so the user doesn’t have to post things twice. Migration problem will be non-existent this way.

Now to improve on Facebook and MySpace. Step one, get rid of Facebook and Myspace “apps” and “quizzes.” Also, upon first log in to this superior social network, your Facebook and MySpace is scanned for certain activities. If you have ever done a quiz or “sold a friend” you will not be permitted to use this site. Sorry, I said superior, and this is going to be a classy operation.

So what have we done? We have made it where any current MySpace and Facebook user can migrate over. This allows there millions of users to come over, and then we tell the millions of people who do quizzes they cannot use the service because we are the superior social network and we do not need to know which Harry Potter character they are. This site will be called “The Classy Operation” and the slogan will be “The Galt’s Gulch of Social Networking.”

The Wonderful Wizard of Jobs

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 12:24:53 -0500

In my version of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, Dorothy has been replaced with George Clooney. The purpose of which is to make the story more popular to contrast the other people in my version of the story. George Clooney gets hit by a tornado and winds up Geek-land. He is met by a roar of cheer from the little fat geeks for upon his landing he landed on Steve Balmer, crushing him.

Bill Gates appears and threatens George Clooney, after getting his autograph and asking him to be in their next advertisement. George Clooney declines and pulls out his first generation iPod which immediately scares off Bill Gates. The little fat geeks tell George Clooney he needs to go see The Wizard of Jobs for protection from the Wicked Bill of the Redmond.

George Clooney takes the “Limited Edition Rumored Yellow Submarine iPhone” road to head towards The Wizard of Jobs. Along the road he meets a scarecrow named Yahoo, who has no brain; Zune, a tin man with no heart; and the Cowardly Vista, who is half man and half pig (with lipstick).

The road takes them to the White City. They meet with the giant floating head known as the Jobs but while they are meeting with him the computer that is projecting the giant head has a kernel panic revealing the head as a computer simulation. This exposes the great wizard as actually a puny aging man in a black turtleneck and jeans. The group with George Clooney and Steve Jobs then have an on going laugh, like you would see in a 70’s sitcom and then they all turn into silhouettes and start dancing like an iPod commercial.

"If the sheep is not wet, it is easier to carry across the mountain."

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 00:05:00 -0500

“If the sheep is not wet, it is easier to carry across the mountain.”

- Jake Bilbrey

The Gazebo Disclosure

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 21:29:47 -0500

The Gazebo Disclosure

My Weekly Schedule

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 11:56:47 -0500

Monday: Nintendo Announcements

Tuesday: Apple Announcements

Wednesday: Xbox Announcements

Thursday: Playstation Announcements

Friday: Political Scandal Announcements

After doing some new styles, this is a return to the old...

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 11:33:46 -0500

After doing some new styles, this is a return to the old influences that made ZicklePop Productions famous.

Track listing:
1. Creepy Grin
2. You Don’t Know When I’m Going To Update (You Just Do As You RSS’d)
3. 300 Blue Wallpaper Blues
4. Podcast
5. Prickly Attitude, But Sweetly Rad
6. St. AWESOME
7. Little New iPhone
8. Rag and Zune
9. I’m Slowly Turning Into Alex Albrecht
10. A Martyr for My Love of Apple
11. Catch Hell Tweets
12. Effects and Photoshop Fillters

Available for download: http://www.zicklepop.com/creepy-grin/
Available as a poster: http://www.zazzle.com/creepy_grin_poster-228561357300662328

"My tweets from Saturday, August 1st 2009 in Dunlap, TN at Pizza King: 7:00PM - At, what I can only..."

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 11:32:19 -0500

“

My tweets from Saturday, August 1st 2009 in Dunlap, TN at Pizza King:

7:00PM - At, what I can only assume is Larry King’s pizza chain, because it’s called Pizza King.

7:03PM - Actually this very well could be B.B. King’s pizza chain. I’ll have to ask.

7:05PM - Judging by all the people with broken noses this could be the King of Pop’s pizza joint.

7:11PM - Toilet smells like someone died. This has to be the King of Rock and Roll’s pizza place.

7:16PM - Pizza King is owned by King Henry, I know this because of all the dead women out back.

”

- How I Got Banned From Pizza King

Photo

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 22:43:03 -0500

Photo

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 22:39:32 -0500

Taken on an iPhone 3GS on a Sunday in Nashville, TN. Photo...

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 22:16:00 -0500

Taken on an iPhone 3GS on a Sunday in Nashville, TN.

Photo edited in Camera Bag to give it the Holga effect in direct reference to the limited edition White Stripes Jack camera.

For more information visit Third Man Records’s website.

The War on Get Satisfaction!

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 23:11:23 -0500

The War on Get Satisfaction!

Photo

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 08:28:54 -0500

My Letter to Cerbral Gardens Concerning Their iPhone App Wordology

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 00:17:42 -0500

I love your game. My friends love your game. We are really competitive about it and we try to beat each others high score. So here’s the deal: the high score list for people on my iPhone (Not global or GPS) keeps mysteriously getting erased. I thought my friend was just ashamed that she could never beat me, then I got a 60,000 point high score and it was on there and then I closed the app and launched to brag, and there was no scores listed in the list! How can I prove to my friend that I am better then them if I don’t have proof? Please, I beg of you, give me a way to show my friend that I AM BETTER THEN HER. Can you like give me a trophy that says “Jake got this award for BEING BETTER THEN YOU?” Aw, forget the trophy I’ll just tell her myself. I mean, if I am better then her she’ll just believe me when I say it.

Love your game,
Jake.

How To Get EventBox to Display Starred Items from Google Reader...

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 00:04:00 -0500

How To Get EventBox to Display Starred Items from Google Reader (with a Smart Folder)